What is Domestic Violence?
A systematic pattern of abusive behaviors (psychological, sexual, physical, and/or economic) used by an individual to establish power and control over his/her partner. The abuser is able to maintain power and control through the fear and intimidation of his/her partner. Click here for facts about the Prevalence & Patterns of Domestic Violence. Click for facts about
Children Growing Up in Abusive Homes.
I Got Flowers Today
(Dedicated to all Battered Women)
By Paulette Kelly ©Copyright 1992 Paulette Kelly All Rights Reserved
I got flowers today!
It wasn't my birthday or any other special day;
We had our first argument last night;
And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt;
I know that he is sorry and didn't mean to say the things he said;
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today!
It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day;
Last night he threw me into a wall and then started choking me;
It seemed unreal, a nightmare, but you wake up from nightmares;
And I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over — but I know he is sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.
 I got flowers today!
And it wasn't Valentines Day or any other special day;
Last night he beat me and threatened to kill me;
Make-up and long sleeves didn't hide the cuts and bruises this time;
I couldn't go to work today because I didn't want anyone to know — but I know he's sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today!
And it wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day;
Last night he beat me again, and it was worse than all of the other times;
If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of the kids? What about money?
I'm afraid of him, but I'm too scared and dependent to leave him! But he must be sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today….
Today was a special day — it was the day of my funeral;
Last night he killed me;
If only I would have gathered the courage and strength to leave him;
I could have received help from the Women's Shelter, but I didn't ask for their help;
So I got flowers today — for the last time.
Prevalence & Patterns of Domestic Violence
- Domestic violence crosses all ethnic, racial, age, national origin, sexual orientation, religious, and socioeconomic lines. Domestic violence can happen to anybody.
- In heterosexual relationships, 95% of all victims are female; and 95% of all perpetrators are male (Bureau of Justice Statistics).
- Studies suggest that one-fifth to one-third of all women will be physically assaulted by a partner or ex-partner during their lifetime (American Medical Association).
- Domestic violence occurs within same-sex relationships with the same statistical frequency as in heterosexual relationships (American Bar Association).
- On average, over 550 domestic violence incidents are reported each month to the Wichita Police Department.
- Domestic violence may affect a woman's ability to financially support herself and her children (Raphael & Tolman, 1995, Trapped by Poverty, Trapped by Abuse).
- 22% to 35% of women who visit emergency rooms in the United States are there for symptoms related to ongoing abuse (Randall, T. 1992. Journal of American Medical Association 264 (8): p.939).
- Women who leave their abusers are at a 75% greater risk of being killed by their abusers; the risk is highest during the first two months of separation (Wilson & Daly, 1993, Violence & Victims, 8:3-16)
- 9 out of 10 women murdered are killed by men; 50% of female murder victims are slain by their husbands or partners (Uniform Crime Report, Federal Bureau of Investigations, 1997)
Children Growing Up in Abusive Homes -- What We Know:
- Research has revealed that children who witness domestic violence are affected in much the same way as children who are physically and/or sexually abused.
- Every year 3.3 million children witness their fathers beat their mothers.
- 30% of all pregnant women are battered.
- 50 to 70% of abusers who batter their partners also abuse their children.
- Girls are 5 to 6 times more likely to be sexually abused by a battering father than by a non-battering father.
- The number one reason reported to shelters by battered women for fleeing is that the perpetrator was also attacking the children.
- Sometimes the abused party acts in ways that do not effectively protect children due to their own abuse.
- Most common factor among pregnant teens was that they grew up in violent homes.
- At least 60% of all runaways at youth shelters come from violent and abusive homes.
- 63% of prisoners between the ages of 11 and 20 years doing time for homicide killed their mother's batterer.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence,
please contact our 24-hour hotline at 267-7233 (SAFE) or call 911.
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